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My dear friends, you must've heard that I had my driver license suspended last night. I was falsely accused of drunk driving and just wanted to let you know what exactly happened. Anyway, last night I was at a party and did have a beer or two, but wasn't even dizzy, let alone drunk. After the party I got into my car and two minutes later noticed flashing lights in my rear view mirror. Shit. I slowed down, pulled over, got my documents ready, and rolled down my window. A cop walks over and says the usual:

- Good evening Madam, can I see your license and registration? Have you had anything to drink tonight?
- Evening officer. I was just on my way home from a party and did have two beers, but nothing more than that.
- Hmmmm, two beers? That's it? You sure you didn't have a few more drinks? Let me ask you something. Let's say that you are in an dark street and you see two lights coming towards you. What do you think that is?
- I suppose that would be a car.
- Yes, it is a car, but what kind of car: a Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?
- No idea, the street is dark. No way I could tell the car make!
- Alright, let me ask you something else. Same street, but this time you see only one light. What would that be?
- I presume a motorcycle.
- Yes, that's right but what kind of a motorcycle: a Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley Davidson?
- No idea officer.
- Hmmm, I think you had a bit too much to drink. Can you please step out of the vehicle?
- Sure, but let me ask you one question officer. You're driving down a dark alley and see a woman wearing a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, and high heels. Who is she?
- She's obviously a prostitute.
- Yes, she is a whore, but is she your mother, your sister or your daughter?

Needless to say, I was immediately charged with drunk driving and taken downtown for processing. But I wasn't drunk, I swear.

Joe had a job in a museum as a guide. Not knowing anything about the work he had to do, he was forced to improvise and invent things. In front of a show-window it tells visitors:
- This is the skull of the famous king Joes II, from the fifteenth century.
One visitor asks him a question:
- And this skull next to it, this smaller one?
- Always his, but when he was a child.

The intercom rings in an apartment. The landlady answers:
- Who is it?
- I am the worker who repairs the windows.
- But I already have a worker.
- I know... it's me. I fell.

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