- Soul mates are found in old age, because in youth they mainly look for other organs.
- How did you meet your husband?
- I was in a pharmacy, I needed aspirin. There was a man in front of me. He asked for XXXL condoms. After the wedding, I realized that he is a stutterer.
- Who made this bruise under your eye?
- My husband.
- Your husband? I believed he was on a business trip.
- Me too!
Daughter, eighteen, confesses to her mother:
- Mom, I've been going out with our neighbor for a while.
- He could be your father.
- But mom, in love, age doesn't matter.
- My daughter, you didn't understand me well.
- I can't understand what time has come: you find yourself a girl and it's not good. Your mother cries, your father disinherits you and your wife returns to her parents.
A very pretty girl confesses:
- Father, I made love with the parish priest of another parish. Is this a sin?
- Of course it is a sin. You belong to this parish.
- You can't go outside with such a short skirt.
- Because of your balls.
Joe goes to the pharmacy and asks for two viagras. The pharmacist:
- You don't need two pills, one is enough.
- I need two!
- I will repeat you again, one is more than enough.
- I need two.
- So, why two?
- Two girls will come to my place, tonight. We will have a romantic dinner, music in background, we will drink a couple glasses of wine, we will cuddle and have a long night together.
I need two pills to satisfy both of them.
After having listen the man, the pharmacist sells him two pills. The next day, Joe enters in the same pharmacy, rubbing his hands. The pharmacist:
- Good morning. How can I help you today?
- I need a hand balm.
- Why hand balm?
- They didn't come yesterday.
A senior couple goes to the doctor. The doctor first visits the husband:
- Everything seems to be fine. Are you having problems?
- Well, nothing special but when I make love with my wife, the first time, there are no problems at all. But, the second time I feel very sweaty and this annoys me.
After having visited the wife, the doctor asks her a question:
- To me, everything is ok but your husband says, when you are having sex, that the first time there are no problems while the second time he gets very sweaty. Do you know the reason for that?
- Sure, doctor. The first time is in January. The second is in August.
- Why farmers have it bigger than the guys from city?
- Because they haven't had toys!
- Which is the best contraceptive?
- An aspirin.
- Take an aspirin, put it between the knees and keep it tight.
A bachelor has no belly because when he opens a fridge he says:
- "Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes to the bed.
Married man has belly because when he comes to the bad he says:
- "Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes and opens the fridge.
A guy comes to his friend and finds him beating his dick with a hammer.
- What are you doing?
- I'm masturbating.
- Masturbating with a hammer!? Are you enjoying it at all?
- Yes, each time I miss it.