Super jokes

After making love, the sister and brother are on the bed, leaning on the pillows. Both are sweaty after physical activity and smoke, trying to decrease heartbeats. The sister says:
- You know you're much better than dad.
- I know, mom told me too.

- If you sweat while eating soup, you are healthy.
- If you sweat while taking the pill, you are sick.
- If you sweat while making love, you are old.
- If you sweat while working in the office, you are stupid.

The family got together for Christmas, like every year. After a rich lunch, the grandfather takes care of his only grandson and is telling him one of the stories of him when he was a soldier during the Second World War.
- ... and so we got lost. We were on an alpine trail, it was minus 20 degrees, 2 meters of snow and we haven't eaten for 3 days. We were frozen and hungry and we advanced very slowly. Suddenly, 10 wolves appeared in front of us, as hungry as we are ...
- But grandfather, last year when you told me this story, there were only 4 wolves.
- You were too young to hear the whole truth.

- What is life?
- It's that thing on the grave, where the date of birth and the date of death are written. The dash between these two dates, well, that's life.

A priest needed a lawnmower. There was a shop in the village that sold the contraption and he went there. Even the cheapest lawnmower was too expensive for the priest's tiny budget. The salesman, a parishioner of his, advised him to buy a used lawnmower on the Internet. With the help of a young man from the parish, he was able to find what he needed. The mower arrived after a few days. The previous owner also sent him instructions for use. The booklet sheets were a little greasy, but very useful. He read the instructions and decided to fix the lawn in front of the church. He poured fuel into the tank, adjusted the various levers as he was instructed in the instructions, and pulled the ignition cord. The engine ran but did not start. He repeated the procedure six, seven times, but the engine remained off. He was starting to get angry and suspect that he had been duped, that a faulty machine was sold to him. He opened his mail account and found the e-mail of the man who had sold him the lawnmower. He found the seller's phone number the email. He called him and explained what the problem was. The man kindly replied:
- Sorry, it's my fault. I should tell you that you must swear before pulling the starter rope.
- Look, I'm a priest and priests don't swear. I don't even remember how to swear anymore.
- Do not worry. After pulling the rope 10 times and the engine does not start, your memory will refresh.

The grandson came to visit his paternal grandfather. After some chatter about this and that, the grandson asks:
- Grandfather, in your time there was no Internet, so you didn't even have mobile phones, Google, and at that time there were no computers either. But what did you use at school?
- The brain, my nephew.

Here is a fun riddle below. Beware: to solve it, you have to be good at math.
- Larry turned 76 this year. His wife Jessica is 25 years old. How much money has Larry?

He is 109 years old and his wife 105. They are in front of a judge asking for a divorce. The judge leafs through the cards and then moves his gaze towards the couple:
- Okay, there are no legal problems, but there is one thing I don't understand: why did you wait so long to file for a divorce?
- We waited for our children to be dead, so as not to make them suffer.

An employee, an ugly woman, shows up in front of her boss.
- All the women in the ward sued you for sexual abuse. Since I haven't been mistreated, I'll sue you for discrimination.

An elderly couple gets out of bed. He addresses her with such kindness:
- Honey, could you make us some coffee?
- Sure dear. Listen, while I make the coffee, would you mind brushing our teeth?

- It is better to be active today than radioactive tomorrow.

- What is the most important question for safe sex?
- When your husband will come back?