Short jokes

Collection of short and one-liner jokes, easy to remember.


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Two tanned muscular men have a conversation:
- The sun, the sand and the water: what a life!
- Stop the bullshit and keep shoveling the sand into concrete mixer.

- What is claustrophobia?
- The fear of closed spaces. For example, you go to the bar and you are afraid it will be closed.

- Why do hunting dogs have their ears down?
- Because they got tired of listening to all the hunters' stories.

An American:
- We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
An Italian:
- We have Silvio Berlusconi, no wonder, no hope and no cash.

- All is a shitting, except the pissing, but the pissing becomes a shitting if you piss against the wind.

- Why didn't the sailors play cards?
- Because the captain was sitting on the deck.

- Why dwarfs laugh while they play the soccer?
- Because the grass tickles their balls!

- What is the difference between the tires Good Year and 365 used condoms?
- 365 used condoms are VERY good year.

- What Bill Gates' wife says him when they make love?
- Bill, you are so MICRO, you are so SOFT.

A group of spermatozoa march. Unexpectedly, the spermatozoon guides stops:
- Stop! Treason! The ass!!!

- Who has invented the love?
- The poor, so they can fuck for free.

Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays:
- What did you ask Santa Claus to give you?
- Hundred dollars, as usual.

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: She is expecting triplets.
Very bad: You were sterilized five years ago.

Good: Your wife doesn't talk to you.
Bad: She wants divorce.
Very bad: She is a lawyer.

Good: Your son is growing up.
Bad: He has a relationship with a whore from the neighborhood.
Very bad: Just like you.

Good: You are explaining to your daughter about birds and bees.
Bad: She interrupts you.
Very bad: And corrects you.

Good: Your son has a serious relationship.
Bad: The relationship is with a man.
Very bad: With your best friend.

Good: Your daughter has a good job.
Bad: She is a whore.
Very bad: She earns much more than you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You have found porn videos in his room.
Very bad: You and your wife are the main actors.

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I found my head!