Jokes about Scots

Is it truth that the Scots are skinflints? These jokes say YES!

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A family from Scotland could not finish their food in a restaurant. A father feeling embarrassed says to the waiter:
- Would you be so kind to pack the leftover food; you know, for the dog.
The kids:
- Hurray! We will have a dog!


- When Scots sell the land?
- When there is low tide.


- Why do the Scots rarely buy the refrigerator?
- Because they don't believe that the light inside is turned off when they close the door.


A Scot is about to rent an apartment by the sea. The owner of the apartment tells him:
- The room with the sea view costs 15 pounds more.
- What if I promise I will not look out?


City of Edinburgh, Scotland. Two friends share a beer:
- Yesterday I played tennis with Ally. I'm so tired. I ran all the time.
- I didn't think he is such a good player.
- In fact he isn't but we played with one racket.


A Scot enters in a bus and asks the driver:
- Excuse me, is it necessary to pay the ticket for a flower?
- Sure not.
- Come on Rose.


Two Scots, a father and his son, go to America.
- Daddy, when we'll arrive?
- Shut up and swim.


- Why do Scots watch porn films from the end to the beginning?
- Because they like a happy ending, when the prostitute gives the money back to the client.


A Scot came back from work earlier than usual and saw a plumber's car in the front of his house.
- Oh my God, I hope it is her lover.


While a Scot is pissing, a pound falls into the toilet. Desperately, he looks at the pound and asks himself whether a pound is worth getting his hands dirty. After thinking for a while, he takes 10 pounds out of his pocket and throws them into the toilet.
-Well, it's worth getting your hands dirty for eleven pounds!


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